I went for the Atos appointment, i knew what it would be like.. first i had to wait an hour for the appointment.. i was in at 3 for 3.30.. i was only seen at 4.30.. first person saw an african woman doing the atos test. then i saw someone called rosie..
very dismissive, she isnt there to diagnose.. but that is what she is doing.. I know what they are going to say that i have the atos miracle.. that i am lying, and i am healthy.. when even the doctors know i am not they have given me sicknotes two different doctors. My therapist said it is deep depression i try to distract myself from feeling bad..
but it is getting harder.. story after story about how i will be gotten by IDS, that i will be punished by the DWP, my doctor has increased my anti depressants but they are not working every day something is happening and makes me feel worse.. i try to beat it but stories like IDS, Benefit streets, the lying unemployment rates each story depresses me further, I really dont see much point anymore..
Is it paranoia when you know they really are out to get you.. when everything you do is wrong, I jsut want to be left alone.. left to live my life.. but i am not allowed that.. theres hardly any reason left...what joy i had in reading in games has gone. I cannot do this much longer.. I am being drained and destroyed...
Only freedom is death... dont worry i am not at that stage again.. but every story every lie by the dwp about me and the unemployed and the sick and disabled just knocks me lower and lower.. while pills can keep me stable without external factors unfortunately external factors like IDS,DWP all reduce them further..
So they have won.. I am not going to do anything to prolong my life.. if i die tomorrow good.. wish i could afford to drink to oblivion, take drugs to forget this world.. I dont care anymore.. whats the point.. really whats the point in living in this hell of a country, a hell where IDS/DWP wish me dead guess what you have won.. i will be dead.. because you have pushed me so far.. and dont worry i am not going yet..
death by self neglect.. is that a thing?